its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
