If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize