would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
