12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
