...so i touched it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
