it wasn't lemon gatorade
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
