Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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