I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
