i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
