i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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