when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
