..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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