I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
