I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
