"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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