i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
