Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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