you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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