he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have already put on my inside pants.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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