talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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