have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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