maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
im on a boat
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