I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
