We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
