are you still at the devil's house?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
