oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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