Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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