last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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