the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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