i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
