I can text with my tongue
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
