She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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