my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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