Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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