does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
