I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
