yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
