What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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