guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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