The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
