I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
