What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
