Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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