Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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