My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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