Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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