He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
