Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
