Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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