i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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