I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
