I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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