im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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