Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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