He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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