For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
