I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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