just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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