he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
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I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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