Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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