time to smoke my breakfast
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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