We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
