A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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