you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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