We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize