you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
