living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
