Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
