I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
And then he peed in my hair
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