no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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