so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
