All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
