I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
