so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i out mim tonsoeep
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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